Is Problem lies with me???
I have been maried from last 5 years.Though we both loves each other. we are also equally loyal to each other we querl every 2nd day due to smallest things. Actuall, just 2 year and 6 months back I got to know that my husbad had concealed a truth from me that he is not a graduate though i was told that he is a graduate at the time of marriage. i was really hurt to know that he concealed the truth from me an my family.Then after some days I got to know that he used to tell each and thing of our room to my mother-in-law. on that day i started loosing my trust in him. I talked to him and he assured me that he will not repeat the same but just few days after he did the same thing.whenever we fought about something he calls his mother and she interrupts between us. I never told anything to my pareents even when they ask me. I have not even told them that we had been cheated at the time of marriage.I really dislike his this habbit and i have told him that his habbit is spolling our relation. now he has assured me again that he will never tell her mother about our issues we use to discuss in our room. my inlaws are good but they never find any mistake in my husband. they believe the problem lies with me.i m now fed up with his this habbit.it hurts me a lot. also he never appreciate me for anything. he just always try to find faults in me. I had never said anything wrong about my in laws or about his relatives even then he never carred about my feelings. in these two years he never gifted me anything. i have a daughter of year and i know that our deccesion will surely affect her life so you tell me what should i do to improve my relation.
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Re: Is problem lies with me
Congratulations on completing 5 years of marriage.
First of all, I need to know how you got to know regards the truth. Is it through somebody else or have you seen some documents which made you realize that he has lied to you and your family. Also, it doesnt make a huge difference now, if he is able to earn well enough to support you and your daughter.
Secondly, please understand that some children are close to their parents, especially mothers. Maybe your husband is also attached to his mother. Hence he tells her everything. This is only for initial period. I think you need to build his trust and confidence in you so that he doesnt disclose everything to his mother.
Thirdly, please handle matters diplomatically. Fights happen between all couples, but you should know how to handle them, specially if you are staying in a joint family. Even if your husband shouts at you, try to listen with a cool head, take what is right , ignore the rest and do not react. Your inlaws will not see reason for fight, they will check your reaction. Please understand reasons for fights and try to avoid getting into a fight. This will cool down your husband and he will not involve his mother unnecessarily into the fight. If he finds faults in you, please try to see what is wrong instead of blaming him. If he continues criticising you, just give a deaf ear and ignore. He will change for the better.
I appreciate you have been a very good wife and daughter in law , and have not spoken bad about your husband or inlaws with your parents. Please continue doing so. Relatives are biased , your parents will take your side and if they involve, matters would turn worse. Please do not tell your parents regards his graduation , also do not discuss this with your husband at the moment. Maybe you can probe the topic later, or better still forget it.
Regards gifts, have you ever gifted your husband some gift? Gift need not be expensive, it can be anything from a romantic evening, candlelight dinner or a small memento.
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